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GAMES
TO PLAY ON THE WAY
TWENTY
QUESTIONS
One person thinks of an object; it can be anything. The other players
start by asking: "Is it a Person, Place or Thing?" After
that, they can ask any question about the object as long as it can
be answered by a "yes" or a "no." The goal is
to be the first person to figure out what the object is in less than
20 questions!
ALPHABET
GAME
This game works best on road trips. Start with the letter "A,"
find a word that begins with an "A" on a sign, truck, building
or license plate, say the word, and then move on to the next letter.
You can do this as a competition or together as a family for the younger
beginning readers. The first one to get to the letter "Z"
is the winner!
I PACKED
MY GRANDMOTHER’S SUITCASE
This is a game to test your memory. First you say, "I packed
my grandmother's suitcase, and in it I packed a __________."
In the blank, you say a word that starts with the letter "A."
Then the next person says, "I packed my grandmother's suitcase,
and in it I packed a __________ (repeat the word used for the letter
"A") and a __________ (say a word that starts with the letter
"B"). The game becomes more difficult as you go along, because
you have to remember all of the words used for each letter of the
alphabet. The first person to make a mistake loses.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
JOKES
FOR THE KIDS
ICE FISHING
Ennis got up really early on Saturday morning to go ice fishing. He
took his fishing pole, lucky hat, tent, chair and ice pick out onto
the ice and began chipping a hole in the ice to fish through. All
of a sudden, he heard a loud booming voice: "There Are No Fish
Under the Ice!" He looked all around but didn't see anyone, so
he continued to chip away. Then he heard the voice again, even louder:
"There Are No Fish Under the Ice!" Whoa, maybe it's God,
he thought. So he looked up toward the sky and said, "God, is
that you?" There was no answer, so he started chipping away at
the ice again. The voice boomed again: "There Are No Fish Under
the Ice!" Then Ennis asked again, much louder, "God, is
that you?" The voice answered, "No, you idiot, I'm the guy
that runs the ice rink!"
FAST CAMP
As they pulled into the campsite, all the kids jumped out of the car,
and like clockwork, quickly unloaded all the gear, equipment, coolers,
etc. In a matter of seconds, they had the tent up and a good fire
going. A camper next to them sat and watched in dismay. After a short
time, he couldn't stand it anymore, so he walked over to the father
and said, "Hey, neighbor, that certainly was an impressive display
of teamwork." The father replied, "Thanks. It's rather simple,
though. We have a rule: No one goes to the bathroom until camp is
set up."
COW MECHANIC
A guy was driving through the country when his car just up and stopped.
When he got out to fix it, a big ol' cow walked over to him and said,
"Your trouble is probably with your spark plugs." Scared
out of his wits, the man took off down the road running as fast as
he could. He eventually came across a farmer and told him the story.
"Was it a big black and white cow with a bit of a limp?"
asked the farmer. "Yep, yep," the man replied. "Oh,
that's just Mable, I wouldn't listen to her," said the farmer.
"She doesn't know a thing about cars."
CHAPSTICK
A weathered cowboy comes riding up in a cloud of dust and parks his
horse in front of the saloon. Before he goes into the bar, he kisses
his horse on the rear. An old-timer sees this and asks, "Hey,
cowboy, why the heck did ya kiss your horse's rear?" The cowboy
replies, "Well, it's cuz I've got me some really bad chapped
lips." "Say what?" says the old-timer. "You tellin'
me kissin' a horse's rear will cure chapped lips?" "Heck
no," says the cowboy, "but it sure keeps me from lickin'
'em!"
THE STRANGER
A strange cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink.
When he was finished, he went back outside only to find that his horse
had been stolen. He stormed back into the bar, flipped a silver dollar
high up in the air with his thumb, then, like lightning, he spun his
gun around and proceeded to shoot a hole in the coin before it hit
the floor. The bar was dead silent. "Which one of you bums stole
my horse?" he screamed out. No one answered. "Well, I'll
tell ya what, I'm a gonna have one more whiskey, and if my horse ain't
back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I done back
in Texas... and I don't want to have to do what I done back in Texas!"
At that moment, the whole bar ran out the door like a bunch of scared
little girls. The stranger had another whisky, walked outside, and
his horse was back! As he saddled up and was just about to ride out
of town, an onlooker asked, "Hey, mister. What did ya do back
in Texas?" The cowboy turned around and said, "I had to
walk home!"
FAST FREDDY
Frank and Freddy were hunting one day when they spotted a huge grizzly
about a hundred yards off. Before they knew it, the bear was running
full speed towards them. Frank took off lickety-split, while Freddy
calmly sat down, took out a pair of running shoes and put them on.
Frank saw this and was wondering what the heck was going on, so he
stopped, ran back and asked, "Why in the world are you putting
on your running shoes? You don't really think you can outrun that
bear with those, do ya?" Freddy answered back, "I don't
have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU!"
BUGABOO
One day, a farmer was milking his cow when he noticed a fly buzzing
up and down and all around. He didn't think much of it until he saw
the fly diving straight at him like a rocket. He ducked out of the
way just in time, but the fly came back even faster. This time, he
ducked out of the way again, but the darn fly kept going and flew
right into his cow's ear. Yikes! he thought. Poor Betsy, she can't
like that! A second later, the fly squirted into his bucket. Just
then, his wife came in after hearing all the ruckus, and asked, "Earl,
what on earth is goin' on in here?" The farmer looked at her
in amazement, pointed to the cow and said, "Honey, you ain't
gonna believe this, but a crazy fly came out of nowhere and flew into
Betsy's ear." "Say what?" she said. "Yep, that
thing went in one ear and out the udder!"
FRIDAY
Question: How could a cowboy who rode into town on Friday, leave on
Friday, if it was only three days later? Answer: His horse's name
is Friday.
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JOKES FOR THE BIG KIDS
CHARLIE
One rainy day, a city guy was driving down a muddy country road when
he slid off into the ditch. Just a short time later, a local farmer
was passing by and offered to pull him out with his big Clydesdale,
Charlie. As soon as he had Charlie hitched up to the car, he yelled
out, "Pull, Chief. Pull!" But Charlie didn't move an inch.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Scotty. Pull!" Charlie
still didn't budge. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Ollie.
Pull!" Still nothing. Then the farmer finally said, "Pull,
Charlie. Pull!" And the horse easily pulled the car out of the
ditch. The city guy was happy, but he couldn't figure out why the
heck the farmer had called his horse by the wrong name all those times,
so he asked him. The farmer said, "Well, it's like this. Charlie's
blind as a bat, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he
wouldn't even try!"
SMART
PILLS
One day, a father took his son rabbit hunting. After a couple of hours,
they finally came across some rabbit tracks. Little round pellets
were scattered all around the tracks, so the son said to his father,
"Dad, what are those?" The father replied, "Those are
smart pills. Why don't you try a couple." So the little kid grabbed
a handful and put them in his mouth. "Yuk, gross! These taste
horrible!" The father replied, "See, you're getting smarter
already."
A MONK
THAT COOKS
It was raining cats and dogs when a poor fellow's car broke down.
Luckily, though, he was not far from a monastery. He walked over to
the big temple and knocked on the door. A nice plump monk invited
him in to have dinner and to spend the night. The motorist gladly
accepted. That evening, the man had an excellent dinner of fish and
chips. He decided that he really had to compliment the chef. Entering
the kitchen, the man asked the chef, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No," the man replied, "I'm the chip monk."
NOT THAT
SMART, BUT...
One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. Upon entering, he noticed that
he and the preacher were the only ones there. The preacher asked the
cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm
not that smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed
up, I'd feed him." So the preacher began his sermon. One hour
passed, then two hours, then three hours. The preacher finally finished
and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy
answered slowly, "Well, I'm not that smart, but if I went to
feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure as heck wouldn't feed
him all the hay."
TWO WORMS
One afternoon, two worms were crawling through the grass. The male
worm said to the sexy female worm, "Why don't we go back to your
place?" The female worm said, "Sounds good to me!"
So, the two worms went back to her place. Then the male worm noticed
that the female worm was wearing a wedding ring. The male worm said,
"I'm sorry, darlin', but I don't do this sort of thing with married
worms." The female worm replied, "Don't worry. My husband
isn't coming home." The male worm asked, "How do you know
that for sure?" The female worm answered, "Well, he got
up early this morning and went fishing."
EXPENSIVE
FISH
Two good ol' boys went on a fishing trip. They didn't have any supplies,
so they had to rent it all: a cabin by a lake, a boat, fishing rods,
lures and bait. They even had to rent a truck to pull the boat. They
spent a small fortune on all the equipment, but they were really excited
to get there and get started. The first day they went fishing, they
didn't catch a thing. The second and third day were the same. Then,
just as they were leaving, they threw a line in one last time and
got a tiny little fish. As they were driving home, one of the guys
turned to the other and said, "Ya know, that really stinks. Do
you realize that this one lousy fish cost us nearly a thousand bucks?"
The other guy replied, "Holy cow! It's a damn good thing we didn't
catch any more!"
HUNGRY
SQUIRRELS
Stuart went out to Georgia to go hunting with his brother-in-law,
Hank. Stuart had never been hunting before, so Hank agreed to take
him only if he did EXACTLY what he asked him to. The guys got all
their gear together and headed off into the woods. Hank told Stuart
to sit down on a certain log near a deer trail and to wait quietly
until a deer happened along. Hank was going to go to another good
spot, but he would be back to check on him in a little while. After
a couple hours, Hank heard all kinds of yelling and screaming as Stuart
came running down the trail. "What's wrong with you?" he
asked Stuart. "Why didn't you stay where I told you to?"
Stuart, nearly out of breath, replied, "Well, when the grizzly
bear sharpened his claws on the tree right next to me, I didn't move
an inch. When the mountain lion sat on the rock just twenty feet away,
I didn't move. But when the two squirrels climbed into my lap, and
one said to the other, 'Shall we take them with us or eat them here?',
well I just couldn't stand it any more!"
WILDERNESS
ZEN
If a man is alone in the forest, and there are no women around, is
he
still wrong?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
GHOST
STORIES
SEVEN
BARNS
About 50 years ago, there was a real nice farmer who had married his
childhood sweetheart. They began having children, and before they
knew it, they had a whole house full of kids (seven to be exact),
and the farmer built seven big red barns, one for each of his kids.
Things were going great. The kids were having the time of their lives,
picking corn and playing with all the farm animals. Then, for some
unknown reason, they started getting sick. Not just sick with a cold,
but really sick. One by one, the children died until there was only
one child left. The farmer decided to bury each of his kids under
the barns that he had built for them. It was a horrible time. Both
he and his wife were so sad that they could hardly get out of bed
in the mornings. They kept reminding themselves, "At least we
have one child left, at least we have one child left." Then,
one dreary Sunday morning, just as they were about to leave to go
to church, the farmer heard his wife screaming from the child's room.
He could tell from her loud screaming that it could only be one thing:
His last remaining child had died. The next day, he took the body
and buried it under the very last barn. Then, with a heavy heart,
he set every barn on fire except the last one. In the last one, he
threw two ropes up and over one of the rafters and he and his wife
hung themselves. It is said that the last big red barn still stands
today, and when there is a full moon, you can see the shadows of the
man and his wife swinging in the barn, still holding hands.
THE SCHOOL
BUS
One hot summer day, not too long ago, a school bus full of children
was heading down a country road. It was a Friday, and all the kids
were happy to get home and start enjoying the weekend. The bus was
rather old and not in very good condition. Eventually, they came to
a small hill and started up it. As the hill got steeper, the bus began
going slower and slower until it actually stopped. The problem is
that the bus had stopped directly on top of some railroad tracks.
The driver couldn't back up because the brakes were just as bad as
the engine, so if he started going backwards down the hill, he might
not be able to stop the bus. He got out to take a look at the engine
and see if he could get it started again. As he was looking at the
engine, he heard a train whistle, way off in the distance. Oh, no,
he thought, I've got to get this bus off the tracks, even if I have
to go back down the hill. He ran to the door of the bus, but it was
locked. The kids were playing a joke on him and had locked him out.
He screamed at the top of his lungs for them to open the door, but
they were all laughing so hard they couldn't hear a word he said.
As the train rounded the corner, the driver could only sit and watch
in horror as the train smashed into the bus, killing all of the children.
It is said that if you park your car on some railroad tracks on a
slight hill, leave it in neutral and wait long enough, your car will
be pushed off the tracks. If your car is dusty enough, you may see
little hand prints on the back of it.
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GIDDY-UP
COWBOY!
PACKIN’
FOR THE RANCH
Suggested stuff to bring along when going to a ranch: A wide-brimmed
hat (preferably a cowboy hat) with a stampede string (that's the string
that goes around your neck and keeps your hat from fallin' off); cowboy
boots (any narrow boots with a heel will do, but cowboy boots look
much cooler); jeans (that are worn and faded; holes are good); long-sleeved
shirts (to guard against the sun and scratches from branches); sunglasses;
and don't forget sun screen and bug spray (very important)!
LOOK LIKE
A REAL COWBOY
If you are going to a ranch and you want to look extra-cool (like
a real cowboy), your clothes need to be somewhat dirty and smelly.
The easiest way to accomplish this is to throw all your clothes outside
in the yard for a week or two before you take off for the ranch. Don't
forget to kick 'em around in the dirt every once in a while and hope
for rain.
YO DUDE!
What is a "dude" as in a "dude ranch" (not to
be confused with a surfer dude)? A dude is pretty much anybody that
doesn't really work on a ranch. The term originally came from fancy-dressed
city folk who went out West for vacations.
A LITTLE
HORSE SENSE
If you don't know much about horses, here's a quick overview: Horses
are big strong animals, but they scare very easily, so try not to
make any quick movements around them. They have amazing peripheral
vision, but they can't see directly in front or behind without turning
their head. Therefore, it is always best to approach a horse from
its side. And, whatever you do, don't go behind a horse without letting
him know you are there. If you do, you might get kicked through the
barn, shortening your vacation. Always walk at least six feet away
from his rear (out of kicking range) or walk right next to him (too
close for a kick to do any serious damage), touching his rear with
your hand as you go around behind.
HOW TO
SPOT THE REAL COWBOY
Question: If there are three people in the front seat of a pickup
truck, how do you know which one is the real cowboy? Answer: Easy:
The real cowboy is the one in the middle. He picked that spot so he
doesn't have to drive and he doesn't have to get out and open the
gate.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HIKING
TIPS
MOST IMPORTANTLY!
Tell someone where you are going and when you plan on returning.
BACKPACK ESSENTIALS
Water, rain jacket, map, compass, flashlight, matches, paper, writing
pen, knife, sunscreen, whistle, food and first-aid kit. Also: Pack
everything in Ziplock bags to keep them organized and dry. People
can survive weeks without food but only a few days without water,
so make sure to bring plenty of water.
BEST WAY
TO KEEP FROM GETTING LOST
Stay on the trail!
IF YOU
DO GET LOST
Kids: If you get separated from your group, stop and stay in one place,
and yell or whistle until someone finds you. Adults: Stop, learn your
surroundings, and be able to return to the last known point (pick
something nearby that you can recognize, like a landmark, or build
your own marker). Try and retrace your steps if possible. If you have
to find or make a shelter, or gather firewood, do it before dark or
before a storm comes, not during.
IF YOU
CANNOT FIND YOUR WAY BACK
Get to a clear, open area and write out "HELP" or "SOS"
with branches or rocks, so search helicopters can find you. Make a
signal (fire by night and smoke by day). Other signals: artificial
patterns such as tracks in the snow, a signal mirror or a flashlight.
AVOID GETTING STRUCK BY LIGHTNING
Lightning usually strikes the highest most-exposed object and you
don't want to be that object. Get to lower ground and avoid open or
exposed areas such as hills, ridges, fields, lakes or rivers. Also,
avoid being around tall single standing objects such as solitary trees
or rock spires: they serve as natural lightning rods. Although you
don't ever want to seek shelter directly under a tree, an unexposed
area within trees of uniform height or an area with low brush and
bushes is alright.
HOW TO
AVOID BEARS AND MOUNTAIN LIONS
Make lots of noise! They want to avoid you as much as you want to
avoid them. While you are hiking, talk, sing, or wear a bear bell.
If you do run into a bear or mountain lion, Do Not Run! Put your arms
up and make yourself look as big as possible, then (very slowly) back
away.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
WILDERNESS
CONCEPTS TO PONDER
(1) Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
(2) When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something
to wipe your nose on.
(3) The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely
proportional to the amount of repellent that remains.
(4) When smoking a fish, never inhale.